Tank& I

Accepting the Inevitable ( Being Happy With Fate )

combatmedic.org (happy Tank)

Thankful for Salvation

Happy Easter everyone! First off I want to say thank you to Jesus Christ for everything he did for me, without him I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today.

I had an eye opening experience these past few days, something that I’d like to share because I think it will help people struggling with PTSD or any painful experience that was felt in life.

Happy Family for Tank

As you know Project Delta has actively been searching for a family that can welcome Tank into their home with open arms. A great couple came along that thinks Tank would be an awesome addition to their home. Tank recently had a play date with their dog Jack, They get along so well it’s like they know each other from a past life.

That Friday I met with the fantastic couple for the first time. They were awesome, better than I thought they’d be. We shared stories of our dog’s antics and I explained to them as much as I could about Tank so the transition into a new home will be smoother. They both work from home half the week and they are just know buying a three level house were Tank and Jack can run outside from the main level or down the second floor deck.

It sounds like he’s going to have a better life than he’s had here. I’m so happy for him. I’ve been hoping that he’d find a good home so I won’t feel as guilty for giving him away, it makes it a lot easier on the both of us.

We hope that after they have Tank for a few months and I have another dog by my side, we can have visits. It’s good to know that I won’t have to say bye to him forever. Who knows, this couple could become our good friends and we can see Tank for years to come.

My Happiness?

I can’t say this whole experience left me happy. I left the meeting with the date Tank will be leaving. Walking out of the Starbucks into gloomy rain felt appropriate for the mood I was in. Something inside of my chest was tingling as I slowly walked through the rain towards my car.  Getting drenched wasn’t a concern, I didn’t even notice my pants were soaked until I sat inside in the car.

Thoughts weren’t pouring through my head like normal, images of the whole meeting circled around instead. I imagined Tank in their home, the life  he’d have with Jack running around playing and digging holes.

My heart was the thing tingling because now it burns a little with every jolt of my heartbeat. I guess I was really sad, I’m not in touch with my emotions, that’s why I can only describe the feelings that I get because they come on so suddenly and leave abruptly.

Happy Tank
He’s cool just laying there.

Reflecting on the past

The only time I’ve felt like this was when I left someone or someone left me. I remember when my mom moved out and divorced my dad. We were on a Disney vacation with him and came back with all of her stuff gone. I remember crying, curled up in a ball on my bed for days thinking I would never see her again. She didn’t call or visit for weeks. That same feeling of my heart being torn from my chest and burned … is the closest thing I’ve felt that can compare to how I feel now.

Did I make the wrong decision to keep looking for a service dog?

Will I find a dog better than him?

I can’t stop thinking that even though I know the answer… No, I didn’t.

Everything in life happens for a reason. The struggles I’ve faced has made me stronger in the end. I know that this feeling will pass and in my heart I know that it’ll work out for the best.

One day I’ll have a service dog by my side everywhere I go, a tool that will help me travel around to talk with people about how to live a better life with PTSD.

Tank has served his purpose for me and I hope his future is filled with love.

 

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2 comments on “Accepting the Inevitable ( Being Happy With Fate )

  1. That’s a really touching picture at the top of your post. I’m glad you found a happy place for Tank and a good canine companion for him. I have two huskies and they have a very special, wonderful relationship with each other. Cue Viktor saying “Special relationship? That little woman is always pulling my ears when I’m trying to rest…some kind of special!”

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