PTSD veteran Rehabilitation

In Constant Denial of Taking Medications? ( Short read )

In constant denial of taking Medications?

Too Many Medications

I’ve been fighting with myself for the past couple of months over my use of prescription medications. I’m in constant denial of the fact that they help me. One day they could quite possibly kill me from one of the many side effects.

Being a veteran from the Iraq war, I struggle every single night from nightmares and cold-sweats.

I’ve been on at least 13-18 different medications the past twelve years for sleep, PTSD, anxiety and depression. The other dozens I’ve been on are to treat anxiety and depression. In total I take 5 pills a night and 2 during the day. I’ve been doing this since getting back from Iraq with little success.

Before I had Tank, suicide was always in the back my mind. I was downing medications and still having problems with my mood and sleep. There were days that I thought I had died on the front lines. My mind was so messed up I believed I was in purgatory.


After accepting the fact that I needed help from the medications, I’ve been able to focus and accept the fact that I’ll always be hunted by my past, but I don’t have to let it get in the way of my goals and values.

I wouldn’t be able to sleep without medication, trust me, I’ve tried everything from herbs to diets and nothing works. Same with anxiety; Tank helped with it a little, but I wouldn’t be calm in public without medication. The only way I’m able to enjoy going to live sports like the Twins and the Timberwolves is if I take Clonazapam.

In constant denial of taking medications
At the game yesterday! Twins vs. Royals

So if I will have to take medications my whole life, should I expect to die from some sort of side effect?

I believe God will take me when it’s my time, but I also know that he respects our choices so I don’t want to shorten my life on my own accord.

I know I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Since I started opening up with my doctors, they were able to get me on the right meds to keep me stable, but I still have my days. I know that everyone who has to be on medications the rest of their lives  feel the same way as I do.

So I wonder, is there going to be a point that I won’t need medications?

I have to remember to ask my doctors. I think this is a valid question for everyone. The pharmaceutical companies creates thousands of drugs to make us feel as though we need to be dependent on them so they can milk insurance and our pockets.

We should make it a priority to see how these drugs affect our bodies before taking them without question.


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11 comments on “In Constant Denial of Taking Medications? ( Short read )

  1. You have a great attitude. I know you’ll be fine!

  2. Juan Baltazar

    This is a great short read brother. Thank you for sharing and keep on keeping on. I pray that you find peace and keep it.

  3. Thank you for your service.

  4. WOW! I have chills and tears! You my friend are an amazing example of fortitude! Thank you for your service and you honesty! My little brother is headed to BUD/S to become a Navy Seal, We pray for our soldiers everyday, the ones who have served and the ones currently serving! Keep Sharing and Keep moving forward! God bless you! We Would love for you to share your story on our blog if you are interested?

    • Yes that would be great! Thank you! Let me know when you post it. Let me know your brothers name so I can pray for him too.

  5. I love this post 🙂 I understand your situation, for me it was with anti-depressants and the fact that I had to keep changing the medication because the side effects would constantly hit me. Until one day I came off of the different assortment of anti-depressants by taking my life into my hands and making sure that I placed myself in more positive and happy environments.

  6. collegeceliackc

    Thank you for sharing your experience with PTSD. As a Marine brat (my dad served for 23 years), I know more about the military than most but I definitely have no idea what those who serve actually go through. Thank you for raising awareness and for having such a positive perspective on life!

  7. Wish you the best in overcoming PTSD. Hope that the VA has offered you cognitive behavioral or prolonged exposure therapy. Forgive me if you already know about therapy that can be helpful when used in conjunction with meds. For those reading who are unfamiliar with PTSD treatment, here is a link to the VA:

    Thank you for your service.

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