During a meeting with my life coach from Project Delta I got an assignment to write a letter to my younger self. The logic behind it is that it would help me put away horrible memories so I can get over the effects they have on my life. It’s not a magic trick that will make me forget what happened, it just helps me fill it away in the cabinet of useless information.
When writing the letter I couldn’t talk about an incident directly, I just had to write words of encouragement to let my younger self know everything will be alright in the future. I chose to write to my eight year old self right after my mom decided to move out of the house while her husband and three children were at Disney world.
I remember coming home and wondering where mom was, including half the stuff that used to be in the house. After my Dad explained what was going on, I can’t remember how long I cried for, I just remember the world being so dark uncomfortable. My chest burned in agony, that was the first time in my life I felt like my heart was being stabbed in pulled through my throat. I imagined my present self walking slowly on the creaky floorboards inside that sesame street wallpaper room toward the whimpering sound of myself crying through the cracked closet door. As I open the door, my heart starts pouring out to him:
“Hey mini me! What are you looking so upset for. It’s done, they’re gone; you’re going to have to grow up and start looking out for yourself. It’s going to be a long, tough road. At times your going to want to quit so bad that death seems like a gift from heaven, but I’m here to tell you that if you can do more than you can imagine. Death is never the option because death halts life experiences and believe me, God wants you to experience an abundance of life. Trust me.”
“One day your mom is going to leave you again. The pain and hurt that follows isn’t because of what you did, she is just human and we all can make mistakes to get out of a rough situation. God never gives you anything you can’t handle. After that heart ache your Dad is going to move you away with him and help you achieve a sound mind and body. You’re going to learn how to stay healthy and you will be as handsome of a man as King David was.”
“You will go to fight in hell and come back a changed person once you graduate high school. I can’t tell you if the change is good or bad, it always fluctuates. I can guarantee to you that it’s an experience that few survive and non-forgets. Just remember, when the world starts crumbling down around you and the war inside seems like it’ll never go away, it won’t, but it will get easier. You will become strong with the powerful word of God. You will go out into the world with an affliction to save the lives of veterans with the same wounds.”
“Most of all, keep praying like grandma taught you to. Prayer will get you through the worst situations. Never let anyone tell you that your relationship with God is false because he is the realist thing in this life. No one can save you in the darkness except for the great I Am. Never give up hope that life won’t turn out well, because you are abundantly blessed and your life has just begun.”
Yours truly, S.M.Boney IV